Random Stoner Jokes

evilsweetness420 · 07-26-2008, 11:39 AM

Q. How long does it take before a pound of bud goes bad?

A. I don't know! I never have it longer than an hour!!

Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?

A. Homeless.

Q. What's the difference between a stoner and a tweeker?

A. When a pothead is driving down a road he is driving about 20 mph and eating the upholstery. When a tweeker is driving down a road he is driving about 200 mph. and talking to the upholstery.

Q. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?

A. The cop!!!

Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?

A: A pothole!

Q. Why did the stoner cross the street?

A. His dealer lived on the other side.

Q. How do you get an one-armed hippie out of a tree?

A. Pass him a joint

Cinnimom Lexxis · 07-26-2008, 09:57 PM

Ahahaha love them.. especially the pothole one.. its happen'd wayyy too many times =)

ShowMeHomie · 07-27-2008, 12:32 AM

These are sweet! hahaha a pothole thats mine now

Breezemonsta · 01-05-2009, 02:10 PM

Funny stuff yo, I'm gonna have to use those.

Ultra · 04-10-2009, 05:28 AM

Writer Sherri Stoner said that the Animaniacs writing staff worked well as a
team in .... Animaniacs also made use of catchphrases, recurring jokes and
segments, ..... The episodes featured are jumbled at random and are in no
particular ...

jessicaa420 · 04-10-2009, 11:03 AM

hahah, lovee them.

kmkfan · 05-24-2009, 06:04 AM

got one more for ya what do u call 2 stoners smoking.............. a joint effort

sleezyFbaby · 05-24-2009, 07:03 AM

got a long one....
three guys die in a car crash and go to hell. satan asks the first guy what his major sin was, and he says he was an alcoholic. he drank way too much, too often. satan locks him in a room that is nothing but alcohol. this guy will never run out. next satan asks the second guy what his sin was, and he says he had too much sex. he used girls all the time and had a different one every night. he gets locked in a room with soo many naked girls, and they all want to do him. satan asks the last guy what his sin was, and the guy replies that he was a pothead. you guessed it...satan locks him in a room full of weed. there has to be every strain imaginable, and this is not gonna run out.
a hundred years later satan comes back to the first guy. he comes running out covered in booze and his own puke screaming "i'll never drink again!" and satan gives him another chance at life. he lets the second guy out, and he screams "i'm gay! i'll never look at another chick!" so satan gives him another chance. he goes to let the third guy out, and he opens the door to find the stoner sitting on the floor. he looks at satan, crying, and says "hey man, you got a light?"

kmkfan · 05-26-2009, 08:45 PM

that is a good one lol

Manny420 · 05-28-2009, 12:16 PM

I got a couple...

You know your a stoner when u put on sunglasses to see better at night.

you know your a stoner if you wash your bongs more than your dishes.

A stoner walks into a store n asks the clerk how much for the t.v. in the window??
The clerk says "I dont sell to potheads." the stoner leaves n comes back a week later n asks how much for the t.v. in the window?? the clerk says "I dont sell to Potheads." The stoner leaves n comes back a week later n asks again how much for the t.v. in the window?? The clerk says "I already told you, I dont sell to potheads." The stoner says "how do you know im a pot head??" The clerk says "because thats a microwave!!"

Ravenlunitic · 06-14-2009, 02:41 PM

How do you keep a stoner in suspense?

Answer coming soon... :smile:

meaghan22 · 06-17-2009, 03:00 PM

hahaha thats funny

some really good ones

Re1gn · 07-14-2009, 08:29 AM

What do you call mj on a boat?

Seaweed

BornOutOfTheTent · 07-14-2009, 09:50 AM

you guys make me smile :d

DanksterDave · 07-14-2009, 10:44 AM

haaaaaaaaaaaaaa ...pot hole.
good ones.

HippieChick · 07-17-2009, 12:26 AM

I loved the one armed hippie one... A hippie would never pass up weed to hold on to the tree if they only had one arm lol

HippieChick · 07-17-2009, 12:28 AM

	Quote:			Originally Posted by Manny420
	I got a couple... You know your a stoner when u put on sunglasses to see better at night. you know your a stoner if you wash your bongs more than your dishes. A stoner walks into a store n asks the clerk how much for the t.v. in the window?? The clerk says "I dont sell to potheads." the stoner leaves n comes back a week later n asks how much for the t.v. in the window?? the clerk says "I dont sell to Potheads." The stoner leaves n comes back a week later n asks again how much for the t.v. in the window?? The clerk says "I already told you, I dont sell to potheads." The stoner says "how do you know im a pot head??" The clerk says "because thats a microwave!!"

That's some funny shit :P and by the way...

I have a habbit of wearing my sunglasses at night while I'm driving... I can see better

And my bongs are the first things to get washed before my dishes...

That joke was the shit

Shaidee · 07-17-2009, 02:14 AM

these r fantastic!!!! bordom is cured!! lol

smh · 07-18-2009, 02:58 AM

i've heard the satan one, lmfao good smoking times 8-)

Fractalor · 07-18-2009, 12:18 PM

Too funny...tee hee ! I am gonna use that hippie out of a tree bit, for sure!

dlow · 07-21-2009, 10:21 PM

a long one but now bad.

so theres a guy that only beleives what he hears on tv. so one day he turns on his tv and first thing it says is "oh yeah yeah, i know that guy. that guy is me!" so then he changes the channel and it says "shut up and turn me in". so then he changes the channel and it says "hmm.. thats a toughy. i choose C". then he changes the channel one more time and it says "plug it in plug it in". so he turns off the tv and walks outside. theres a cop on the street and the cop walks up to the man and shows him a picture and asks have u seen this man? the man replies oh yeah yeah, i know that guy. that guy is me! so the cop starts reading him his rights and he intrupts him and says shut up and turn me in! so they go down to the station and they sit the man in a chair. the sheriff walks up and says u have 3 choices. A)go home with this beautiful lady. B)go home with a million dollars C)go to the electric chair. so they hook him up to the electric chair the the cops ask him, any last words? and the man replies.. "plug it in plug it in!"

kottonmouthking420 · 08-09-2009, 01:06 PM

lol lots of good ones

stoneagestoner · 08-28-2009, 12:51 PM

guy comes home wife meets hi in the driveway says honey the fridge is broke he says wat the hell i look like a fridge repair man, next day same thing the wife says honey the toilet backed up he says wat the hell i look like a plumber call a plumber next nite guy comes wife meets him at the drive smilling the husband says so everything fixed she says yes john next door said he would fix everything if i made love to him or baked him a pie husbandasks wat kind of pie u bake him she say wat i look like a baker!!!!

mrgreenbud1975 · 12-08-2009, 03:52 PM

whats does weed & pitt unver. have in common
they both get smoked in bowls

law2chris · 12-08-2009, 05:27 PM

	Quote:			Originally Posted by Cinnimom Lexxis
	Ahahaha love them.. especially the pothole one.. its happen'd wayyy too many times =)

happened to my best Hawaiian shirt twice. i wore it after the first hole but the second one was the size of a quarter

07-26-2008, 11:39 AM	#1 (permalink)
evilsweetness420 My Mood: Join Date: Jun 2008 Gender: Location: arkansas Posts: 157 gRamz: 483 Danks: 10 Danked 7 Times in 7 Posts	Random Stoner Jokes Q. How long does it take before a pound of bud goes bad? A. I don't know! I never have it longer than an hour!! Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? A. Homeless. Q. What's the difference between a stoner and a tweeker? A. When a pothead is driving down a road he is driving about 20 mph and eating the upholstery. When a tweeker is driving down a road he is driving about 200 mph. and talking to the upholstery. Q. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A. The cop!!! Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt? A: A pothole! Q. Why did the stoner cross the street? A. His dealer lived on the other side. Q. How do you get an one-armed hippie out of a tree? A. Pass him a joint

07-26-2008, 09:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
Cinnimom Lexxis My Mood: Join Date: Jul 2008 Gender: Location: Scarborough Ontario Posts: 6 gRamz: 207 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes Ahahaha love them.. especially the pothole one.. its happen'd wayyy too many times =)
	;; It Aint Trickin If You Got It ;;

07-27-2008, 12:32 AM	#3 (permalink)
ShowMeHomie My Mood: Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 46 gRamz: 303 Danks: 0 Danked 6 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes These are sweet! hahaha a pothole thats mine now
	haaaaaaaaayyyyy!!! ████████████████ [Sex.Drugs.Music.Raves]

01-05-2009, 02:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
Breezemonsta My Mood: Join Date: Jan 2009 Gender: Location: Mesa , Arizona Posts: 13 gRamz: 169 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes Funny stuff yo, I'm gonna have to use those.

04-10-2009, 05:28 AM	#5 (permalink)
Ultra Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 3 gRamz: 140 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes Writer Sherri Stoner said that the Animaniacs writing staff worked well as a team in .... Animaniacs also made use of catchphrases, recurring jokes and segments, ..... The episodes featured are jumbled at random and are in no particular ...
	herbal vaporizers

04-10-2009, 11:03 AM	#6 (permalink)
jessicaa420 My Mood: Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Location: Crown Point. Posts: 2 gRamz: 143 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes hahah, lovee them.

05-24-2009, 06:04 AM	#7 (permalink)
kmkfan My Mood: Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Location: new york Posts: 236 gRamz: 439 Danks: 1 Danked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes got one more for ya what do u call 2 stoners smoking.............. a joint effort

05-24-2009, 07:03 AM	#8 (permalink)
sleezyFbaby My Mood: Join Date: May 2009 Gender: Posts: 28 gRamz: 241 Danks: 1 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes got a long one.... three guys die in a car crash and go to hell. satan asks the first guy what his major sin was, and he says he was an alcoholic. he drank way too much, too often. satan locks him in a room that is nothing but alcohol. this guy will never run out. next satan asks the second guy what his sin was, and he says he had too much sex. he used girls all the time and had a different one every night. he gets locked in a room with soo many naked girls, and they all want to do him. satan asks the last guy what his sin was, and the guy replies that he was a pothead. you guessed it...satan locks him in a room full of weed. there has to be every strain imaginable, and this is not gonna run out. a hundred years later satan comes back to the first guy. he comes running out covered in booze and his own puke screaming "i'll never drink again!" and satan gives him another chance at life. he lets the second guy out, and he screams "i'm gay! i'll never look at another chick!" so satan gives him another chance. he goes to let the third guy out, and he opens the door to find the stoner sitting on the floor. he looks at satan, crying, and says "hey man, you got a light?"

05-26-2009, 08:45 PM	#9 (permalink)
kmkfan My Mood: Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Location: new york Posts: 236 gRamz: 439 Danks: 1 Danked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes that is a good one lol

05-28-2009, 12:16 PM	#10 (permalink)
Manny420 Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 6 gRamz: 136 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes I got a couple... You know your a stoner when u put on sunglasses to see better at night. you know your a stoner if you wash your bongs more than your dishes. A stoner walks into a store n asks the clerk how much for the t.v. in the window?? The clerk says "I dont sell to potheads." the stoner leaves n comes back a week later n asks how much for the t.v. in the window?? the clerk says "I dont sell to Potheads." The stoner leaves n comes back a week later n asks again how much for the t.v. in the window?? The clerk says "I already told you, I dont sell to potheads." The stoner says "how do you know im a pot head??" The clerk says "because thats a microwave!!"

06-14-2009, 02:41 PM	#11 (permalink)
Ravenlunitic My Mood: Join Date: May 2009 Gender: Location: St. louis , Mo Posts: 68 gRamz: 205 Danks: 3 Danked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Random Stoner Jokes How do you keep a stoner in suspense? Answer coming soon... :smile:

06-17-2009, 03:00 PM	#12 (permalink)
meaghan22 My Mood: Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Location: Ontario Posts: 70 gRamz: 1,223 Danks: 0 Danked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Random Stoner Jokes hahaha thats funny some really good ones

07-14-2009, 08:29 AM	#13 (permalink)
Re1gn My Mood: Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 18 gRamz: 173 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes What do you call mj on a boat? Seaweed

07-14-2009, 09:50 AM	#14 (permalink)
BornOutOfTheTent My Mood: Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Posts: 119 gRamz: 292 Danks: 7 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes you guys make me smile :d
	BornOutOfTheTent

07-14-2009, 10:44 AM	#15 (permalink)
DanksterDave My Mood: Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Location: Michigan Posts: 11 gRamz: 195 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes haaaaaaaaaaaaaa ...pot hole. good ones.

07-17-2009, 12:26 AM	#16 (permalink)
HippieChick My Mood: Join Date: May 2009 Gender: Location: In the boonies dude! Posts: 24 gRamz: 200 Danks: 0 Danked 2 Times in 1 Post	Re: Random Stoner Jokes I loved the one armed hippie one... A hippie would never pass up weed to hold on to the tree if they only had one arm lol

07-17-2009, 02:14 AM	#18 (permalink)
Shaidee My Mood: Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Location: Canada Posts: 113 gRamz: 307 Danks: 0 Danked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Random Stoner Jokes these r fantastic!!!! bordom is cured!! lol

07-18-2009, 02:58 AM	#19 (permalink)
smh Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 4 gRamz: 147 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes i've heard the satan one, lmfao good smoking times 8-)

07-18-2009, 12:18 PM	#20 (permalink)
Fractalor My Mood: Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Location: central WI Posts: 117 gRamz: 732 Danks: 9 Danked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Random Stoner Jokes Too funny...tee hee ! I am gonna use that hippie out of a tree bit, for sure!

07-21-2009, 10:21 PM	#21 (permalink)
dlow My Mood: Join Date: Oct 2008 Gender: Location: michigan Posts: 97 gRamz: 320 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes a long one but now bad. so theres a guy that only beleives what he hears on tv. so one day he turns on his tv and first thing it says is "oh yeah yeah, i know that guy. that guy is me!" so then he changes the channel and it says "shut up and turn me in". so then he changes the channel and it says "hmm.. thats a toughy. i choose C". then he changes the channel one more time and it says "plug it in plug it in". so he turns off the tv and walks outside. theres a cop on the street and the cop walks up to the man and shows him a picture and asks have u seen this man? the man replies oh yeah yeah, i know that guy. that guy is me! so the cop starts reading him his rights and he intrupts him and says shut up and turn me in! so they go down to the station and they sit the man in a chair. the sheriff walks up and says u have 3 choices. A)go home with this beautiful lady. B)go home with a million dollars C)go to the electric chair. so they hook him up to the electric chair the the cops ask him, any last words? and the man replies.. "plug it in plug it in!"
	Don't drink and drive! Smoke and fly!

08-09-2009, 01:06 PM	#22 (permalink)
kottonmouthking420 Join Date: Aug 2009 Gender: Location: north carolina Posts: 19 gRamz: 151 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes lol lots of good ones

08-28-2009, 12:51 PM	#23 (permalink)
stoneagestoner My Mood: Join Date: Aug 2009 Gender: Location: FLORIDA Posts: 36 gRamz: 171 Danks: 0 Danked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Random Stoner Jokes guy comes home wife meets hi in the driveway says honey the fridge is broke he says wat the hell i look like a fridge repair man, next day same thing the wife says honey the toilet backed up he says wat the hell i look like a plumber call a plumber next nite guy comes wife meets him at the drive smilling the husband says so everything fixed she says yes john next door said he would fix everything if i made love to him or baked him a pie husbandasks wat kind of pie u bake him she say wat i look like a baker!!!!

12-08-2009, 03:52 PM	#24 (permalink)
mrgreenbud1975 My Mood: Join Date: Nov 2009 Gender: Location: Charleston WV Posts: 49 gRamz: 719 Danks: 0 Danked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Random Stoner Jokes whats does weed & pitt unver. have in common they both get smoked in bowls

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